Get off my back!!

what makes you think by not allowing me to go out, come home late, use the phone and giving me pep talks will eventually make me a better person?
come on!!i'm already 20 and doing all the things you should be doing when i'm supposed to be at the age of 12 is out of the question..
you never used to care about what i do..why start now..
just because we're living under the same roof doesn't make you people have the power to control my life??hah~too late..
stop telling me you care and that we are a family..bullshit!!
you should have tried years ago..not now..heh~you people are so pathetic..
you hated my friends, the clothes i wear and the language i used..hah~ you think my friends are uncultured-self-centered-youngsters-who-have-nothing-better-to-do-but-create-trouble-for-their-families bunch..and that i'm influenced by them..hahhahaha ya right!!you don't even know them!!!oh wait!!!you didn't even BOTHER!!
year after year..you hated my friends more and more..accusing them of corrupting me..hahahha stop don't blaming them...it's because of them that i remain sane...i have happy moments in life...and all you ever do is compare me with her!!!fuck you!!
doing just that will not turn me into her...and please just because she turned out fine doesn't make you an excellent parent...
i tried reasoning with myself..telling myself about all the sacrifices you made for us..but the hurt i felt all these years still have an overwhelming pain...arghh!!!
call me selfish if you want..i just wanted to be treated the same like her...be given the same amount of attention and love..throwing money at me won't fill the emptiness in me...seriously..i don't love you..never did..i just pretended that i do since it's normal for people to love their family...i'm not sorry for what i did..and that's that...
so leave me alone..

The Big 2-0

woooow...at this very moment i've been declared a NON-teen..and boy that sounded BIG!!hahaha not that i'm proud turning 20 and getting older each year is beginning to freak me out...
and to those who didn't quite get what i mean...
i have just celebrated my 20th birthday 3 days ago..hahha damn i feel old..very old...
anyway..would like to thank all those who wished me and gave me presents..love you guys..muacks!!!

Expectations

sometimes i wished i'm not who i am...i hated the way i look...the way i sound...the way i am...arghh...
the confidence level in me is nearly zero...i became vain(that's how you put it)...i can't help asking for opinion once in a while..okay..basically most of the time...but hey..can't blame me right?i'm just insecure about myself...
time and time again..i try pulling myself together and just accept the way things are..but i just can't..
i'm surrounded by beautiful people..and it makes me feel a tinge of jealousy...that is why i really want to impress others..especially you..i want you to be proud of me...i know it's stupid...but really...i'm not lying...
i try to be up to your expectation...but i fail miserably...it's pathetic..i know...haiz...
i'm sorry..

Shop-peng

haha bought loads of things today...hehehe i feel happy...shopping can really help relieve stress...you should try it...but plesae only do it when you're loaded..not when you're broke..okay?hehhe
went out to collect my pay..hahha like finally..*heaving a sigh of relieve*
had lunch at tuckerbox..the food was okay..but love the ambience..they even played taufik's songs there..(after much coaxing of course..hehehe)
walk-walk at bugis...deciding what to buy...finally settled on a silver necklace, a green bag and 2 t-shirts...hahha and like WOW!!!
that is alot of stuffs...hehehe...
haiz...can't wait for my next shopping trip...hope it won't be too long...
*wishing hard*

Dejection

should i or shouldn't i?
like the saying goes..once bitten twice shy...
i really can't decide..really...
i hate the awful feeling knowing you (might)will do it once more...
seriously i can't decide....
what you think?