give it ur own title

it's been quite awhile since i last been here.. too many things have happened that i can't possibly post.. too painful.. too haunting..
well not that things are turning better now..
he's never letting me go.. pulling me deeper into this pit-hole.. threatening me all the same..
haiz..
i'm really ill right now.. been sick for days.. so is dearsis.. hmmm.. that man is still not working or even planning to i guess.. pity dearmum.. wished i could just kicked his butt or knocked some sense into his goddamn thick empty skull.. but then again.. he has this status called father.. right.. he doesn't even deserved to be called that..
frankly i'm going nuts with my father being an irresponsible person.. my ex is forever trying.. none of them listens to reason.. just why? can't you both just stop and think for one moment.. do you even deserved what you trying to get? yes learn from mistakes.. but it doesn't make things okay in a short span.. sometimes things never even go there.. and stop putting the blame on others..
you ol' man.. you don't deserve her at all.. you treat her like slave.. cursed her, beat her.. you expect food to be at the table when you never bother to go out and work.. yes we are your children.. and wea re supposed to care for you.. but still we are your responsibility.. so don't blame us for mistreating you.. what goes around comes around..
as for you.. how could you think i could easily be with you after hearing you said all the words you should have said long before? jjst because you are trying doesn't mean i am obligated to you in anyway.. you are not doing me a favour by the way.. what took you so long to realised how precious our love was? why after that fatal mistake.. yes a mistake can be forgiven but the pain lingers... i don't choose this path to find another.. i just wan to find peace.. i want to be on my own.. i can't face another heartache anymore.. and the bottom of it all.. i don't love you no more.. my heart is stoned.. so stop trying.. my answer is finalised.. if you think i have my own agenda going on.. fine whatever.. i have absolutely nothing else to say..
i've said what i have always wanted to say.. to you both.. open your eyes..

SELAMAT HARI RAYA..ryt!

frankly i don't know what's the fuss about..
having the house spick and span...
buying tons of new clothes and shoes..
making variety of kuehs..
what is that all about?
are we celebrating the victory for fasting a whole month or just a time to outshine others..
haiz...this year raya sucks for me..
oh wait..it have always been sucky...

right smack in between

damn it...
i'm back where i started...
i have to do something about it...
it's bothering e like hell..
it bugged me so much that it kept me thinking..
should i change my mind or should i not...
it's not fair is it?
i think i know what to do...
i think so...haiz...

my hatred for you will never ceased

seriously..i hate you..
you are freeaking a pain in the ass..
always thinking you are right just because you're so called "THE MAN OF THE HOUSE"..
come on la..
don't expect others to respect you when you're behaving this way..
come on..
i don't know what she sees in you..
you have no responsibilty, you're a self-centered asshole..
let see how long you're going to live in comfort..
i will make sure you pay..

e other side of me

woke up today feeling depressed..
perhaps it's due to the fact i delibrately hurt someone..
and i certain know how one feels..
is it wrong for me to decide my course in life i wished to embark?
to set my own rules after so many years of abiding to others?
is it so wrong?
why is it that other's never want to respect my decision?
when all these while i always did respect yours..
hearing your every excuses to do things that hurt me delibrately..
and supposedly understand why you're acting this way and that..
accepting you the way it is all the time..
and you not wanting to do the same..
hear me out for once..
understand me..please..
i plead with you..