my deadly sin

yes...
i admit...
i did it again...
no idea why im playing with fire...
the line has already thinned...
that ive realised long before...
so why do i still take chances?...
saying sorry definitely not going to guarentee i go scorched-free...
well..
got to face the music...

piece-ing my mind together...
thanks small for listening...

okay advised taken...
but still doubtful...

okay...
let's see...

1st:

i'm sorry...
yes i stood u all up yet again...
yes2..
we heard that already lyn..
yet u still do it...
so why bother...
well one thing is...
i know im wrong...
the thing with syawal in the past..
its not happening again..
that was a mistake...
along with the the person...
okay scrap that...

heres the thing...
i feel like...
im not cut out for it...
the having a group of friends-who hang out each week kind...
face it..
i suck at it...
i bet you know that by now...
and seriously...
i hate leaving the house money-less...
i really dont...
and if you could piece that together...
yes...
i admit i have been yan almost every single goddamn day...
til he start his in-camp thingy...
just because im out wit him doesnt mean i dont want to hang out anymore...
get the boyfriend, ditch the friends..
no..im not ditching you guys...
friends are friends...
will be friends...
i know..
ive been bringing him along most of the outings...
not that i cant bear to let him go or something..
i want you to get to know him...
and thats that...
im not trying to make him be in the group..

the other day...
when i called u up for dinner..
its not because im in need of company...
its because ive not seen u for sometime now..
thats all...
was taken aback really...
i meant well really..
i do...
now i feel like..
if i ever to bring up a meet up..
i will be hit with the same thing...
"yan takder baru kau carik kiter ar"...
kalau ye gitu..
dont you think i would be out with you everyday?
the very day hes not around...
i will be calling and making you guys meet me...

im not into heart to heart talk...
im not good at it...
thats why i wrote it here instead...
maybe you read it..
maybe you dont...
i dont know...
but just to let you know...
thou im never around...
doesnt mean i forget...
doesnt mean i dont care...
and definitely dont mean i ditch you for someone new...

im here...
if you need anything...
just anything...

now its your call...
im willing to face the music...