hey...its been awhile huh??im so so sorrie 4 not updating u these days...didnt turn up 4 work today...nah~its not on purpose...im sick...yeah..had a slight fever, terrible sore throat plus runny nose...n on top of tat im juz not in da rite mind to get back to work.....i feel terrible...after wat happen yesterdae....its juz unexpected....things come rite after another...n i don realli noe how to deal wit it...its juz too sudden.....a confession though...i took a puff yesterdae....gosh~i noe its wrong...but i cant take it....
da outing to my fren'z openhouse didnt go according to plan..yea..i guess...God had it all planned....i didnt go wit him....n i wasnt given paid any attention i was hoping 4...not tat i craved 4 it...i mean...nah~ i feel so different among them...yeah them...my frenz...i donnoe y...but i juz feel i don belong der....being among them...laughing n joking...its feel unusually different...mayb coz i've already grown apart from them...even da person i've been seeing almost everyday seems different....mayb its juz me...paranoid i guess....i donnoe...after da housewarming thingy...dey decided to go to Esplanade to watch some Pesta Raya concert...had nothing on mind...n obviously not looking forward to reaching hm early..i went along...der...i decided to keep to myself....da view was fantastic....da reddenning sky...da water looks so inviting...i wud love to jump in....den da pic of him came to mind...how i wish he was der to enjoy da view wit me...it'LL be so hopelessly romantic....*sigh*....we left quite early though....but it felt like i had been out all nite...felt asleep on da train..as usual...hehehe...tiredLa...reached hm...talked to mom n sis..b4 heading 4 da shower...abit chilly....ermm..nvr mind...after a fresh change of clothes..sat down to tink...unusual of him not to msg or call...ermm...left him a message....den tats wen it all happen....da worse argument tat i cud ever haf wit him....damn...i feel terrible...i donnoe wat to say....words tat came out of my mouth tumbles...i cant say anithing rite...neither can i think straight....all i cud do is hold my tears..but im not strong....tears stream down my face...i sob loudly....*must haf look terrible* i donnoe i donnoe.....i cant tink....all i wan to do was to hang up....i cant bring myself to talk animore...my heart ache so badly...i cud feel it bleed from within....dear bloggie....i tink im da wrong....but i donnoe wat to say to him.....i cant seem to pleased him...mayb i dun even noe how to...im selfish arent i?i donnoe..i donnoe....